A woman decided it was time to decorate her house for the holidays, prompting her to go Christmas shopping alongside her grandpa.
The two soon reached the department store and began checking out the gorgeous ornaments and decorative pieces. A sparkly tinsel caught the woman’s eyes, and she rushed behind the counter to examine it.
Satisfied with the piece, she asked the salesman about the price. Pointing at the mistletoe right above the counter, the shopkeeper replied:
“This week, we have a very special offer. It’s just one kiss per meter of tinsel.”
Without much thought, the woman nodded and said:
“That’s a great deal. I’ll take ten meters.”
The salesman looked visibly excited as he rolled out several meters of tinsel and packed up the right measurement in a bag before handing it to the woman.
With a grin, he said:
“It is time for your payment ma’am.”
With that, the woman called her grandfather, who had been in another section admiring an artificial silver Christmas tree. Once he arrived, she turned to the shopkeeper and said:
“My grandfather will settle the bill.”
Continue reading for more Christmas jokes.
A Birmingham Woman Gets Her Way
A day before Christmas eve, a Birmingham woman called her daughter to notify her of her impending divorce.
The younger woman listened in disbelief as her mom ranted on about her less-than-perfect marriage before voicing her decision:
“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your father and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”
The daughter cut her off in disbelief, demanding to know exactly what went wrong between her parents. Again, the Birmingham woman screamed angrily into the phone, saying:
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer. We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so can you call your brother in Dublin and tell him.”
With that, the mother of two hung up. In a panicked state, the daughter proceeded to call her brother, who also shared her worries.
In a feat of rage, he vowed to handle the situation, before proceeding to call his mom. As soon as she answered the call, the son spoke with a stern voice, saying:
“You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my sister back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?”
After speaking, the young man hung up without waiting for his mom’s response. Sighing victoriously, the woman flung the phone onto the couch, then turned to her husband who was seated beside her scanning through some Christmas movies, and said:
“Sorted! They are coming for Christmas… And they are paying their way.”