A man’s attempt at sarcasm went a little overboard following an elderly woman’s question about him owning a dog.
One sunny afternoon, an elderly man hit the local supermarket to grab a bag of dog food for his beloved canine. While standing in line to settle the bill, an old woman behind him asked if he had a dog.
Outraged by her feeble attempt at a conversation, the old man decided to play to her tune since he had time to spare as a retiree.
He replied with a no and delved into the most shocking explanation as to why he was purchasing dog food. He began by saying he had no dog but planned to resume his dog food diet a second time.
Seeing as that grabbed the attention of everyone around, he continued:
“I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but lost 20 kilograms before I awakened.”
The old man then recounted waking up at the hospital to find himself at an intensive care unit, with tubes connected to all his orifices and IVs in both arms.
The mischievous man recommended the diet to the woman. He went on to explain it worked by filling up one’s pant pockets with the Purina nuggets and eating one or two each time she felt hungry.
Going further, he noted that the unlikely snack was highly nutritious, and worked well, which made him want to try it again. Everyone seemed captivated by the story, as the entire supermarket fell silent.
The elderly woman, now looking horrified broke the awkward silence with another question:
“Did you end up in the intensive care ward because the dog food poisoned you?”
“No,” the old man replied. “I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s butt and a car hit us both.”
This set off a spree of laughter across the supermarket, with one of the customers almost swooning from the laughter overdose. That was the last time the supermarket owners ever let the old man into the store.
A MAN CONSULTS THE DOCTOR OVER HIS FARTING ISSUES
An old man once visited his doctor to complain about his problems with incessant farting. The doctor’s diagnosis turned out differently from what he anticipated.
Following weeks of passing wind incessantly, a concerned old man visited the hospital to seek the doctor’s opinion on a possible cause and treatment.
His turn soon came to proceed into the consulting room, where the doctor asked him to explain his symptoms. Embarrassed, the man admitted he had the farts, which made him pass wind all the time.
The doctor nodded in apprehension, urging the man to continue. The patient went on to expatiate on his symptoms, explaining his farts neither smelled nor made sounds when they came out.
Yet, they were so frequent, he already passed wind about five times in the ten minutes he spent in the consulting room. With a stern expression, the doctor reached for his pen and began to take notes on the man’s file.
The old man was impressed that the doctor took his case with such seriousness, only muttering a subtle “Hmmm” as he scribbled on. The doctor copied out the note on a prescription sheet and handed it to the man.
With a smile of gratitude, the elderly man accepted the prescription and said:
“Thank you, Doc! This prescription you’ve given me, will it really clear up my farts?”
The doctor heaved a long sigh as if to let out his breath before replying:
“No. The prescription will clear your sinuses. It smells like a fermenting diaper in here. And next week, I want to see you for a hearing test.”
For more jokes, click here.