One cozy evening, a man and his wife hit an extravagant restaurant to treat themselves to an expensive meal and some dessert.
Halfway into their perfect evening, a hot-looking young lady walked casually to their table, bent over, and kissed the man on his cheek before saying:
“See you later sweetie.”
With that she walked away, taking gracious steps with her high heels. The wive was visibly boiling with anger as she stared after the retreating model-like figure.
Once the initial shock wore off, she turned to her husband angrily and yelled:
“Who the hell was that and what was she saying about seeing you later?!”
The man put down his cutleries and replied calmly:
“That’s just my mistress, Laura.”
The woman became angrier at his response. With tears in her eyes, she confronted her husband saying:
“You have a mistress and she has the nerve to walk up to us in public? This is unforgivable. I want a divorce!”
The man spared his wife’s words some thought, reluctant to end 10 years of marriage without a fight. He then replied:
“Honey, she means nothing to me. Just a bit of harmless fun. I love you and I want us to live a long life together.”
“Not after the way you humiliated me tonight,” came the wife’s heated response.
With a regretful sigh, the man took his wife’s hands, looked into her eyes, and said apologetically:
“Look, I’d make sure she doesn’t do anything like that again.”
“You mean you’re going to see her again?” asked the wife, dragging herself from the seat and glaring at her husband angrily.
“Of course,” the man replied without batting an eyelid.
Seeing as her husband remained unrepentant, the woman maintained her stance, insisting they end their marriage. Having failed at convincing her otherwise, the man breathed a sigh of resignation and said:
“You need to think this through. Ending a marriage is no joke. We have a prenup. If we divorce, you’ll be comfortable, but at a very different level. No more taking the jet to Paris for shopping. No more beach house, no more cruises on the yacht. Even dinners like this won’t be common.”
The woman took in his words carefully, settling back into her seat. After a long silence, the woman suddenly blurted:
“Isn’t that Ted from the club? Who’s he with? It isn’t Stella!”
The husband replied:
“That’s Ted’s mistress. I think her name is Kristy of Krissy or something like that.”
The woman spared the other couple one more look and then said:
“Hmm… Ours is prettier.”
A Man Answered A Phone Call At The Golf Club
This joke is one of the funniest jokes about marriage ever told, and it never gets old.
One afternoon, several men were gathered in the locker room of a golf club freshening up when a mobile phone sitting on a bench rang.
A man seated nearby answered it and put the phone on loudspeaker while everyone else stopped to eavesdrop. The man spoke first, saying:
A woman’s voice rang out from the other end of the receiver, saying:
“Hi Honey. It’s me. Are you at the club?
The man replied in the affirmative, prompting the woman to keep speaking. Once again, her voice echoed through the room as she said:
“I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2000. Is it okay if I buy it?”
The man agreed without hesitation, assuring her he was okay with it if she loved it that much. The woman’s voice filtered through the receiver a third time as she asked if she could buy one of the new models she spotted while passing by the lexus dealership shop.
“How much?” the man asked.
“$90,000,” she replied.
Again, the man agreed, saying:
“Okay. But for that price, I want it with all the options.”
“Great!” the woman exclaimed. “Oh, one more thing… I was just walking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
The man lovingly responded:
“Well, go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if it’s what you really want.”
“Okay. You’re the best husband in the world,” came the woman’s scowl of excitement. She then added:
“I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
“Bye! I love you too.”
With that, the man ended the call and looked up to find the other men in the locker room staring at him in astonishment, thinking of him as the perfect husband. He waved the phone and asked:
“Whose phone is this?”