One bright morning a DEA agent stopped by a ranch in Texas for a routine check. On making his way in, he met an old rancher with overgrown white beards that brought Santa to mind.
Standing proud and tall, the DEA agent proceeded to address the old man, informing him he was on an assignment to inspect the property for illegally grown drugs. The rancher thought carefully before finally replying:
“Okay. But don’t go into that field over there.”
As he spoke, he pointed out a field in the distance, which appeared isolated from the rest of the property. However, the agent quickly cut him off, giving an exaggerated smirk like he’d just heard the funniest joke of the day.
He then reached into his pocket arrogantly and pulled out a shiny badge which he displayed proudly to the rancher as he blurted:
“Look Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me! See this badge? This badge means that I can go wherever I want! On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man!?”
The rancher looked mortified as he nodded silently, apologized to the arrogant official, and went about his daily chores trying hard to stay out of the agent’s way.
Moments later, loud screams came from the direction of the distant field. The old man looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, with a big Santa Gertrudis Bull on his tail.
The beast kept gaining ground on the officer with every step until it became apparent he could not make it into a safe zone before getting gored by the bull.
As the rancher noticed the terror plastered on the DEA agent’s face, he threw down his tools and ran as fast as he could towards the fence. Upon reaching hearing distance, he yelled:
“Your badge! Show him your badge!”
Here is another good one from a selection of the best jokes of the day guaranteed to keep you in high spirits.
Santa Was Having A Bad Day
Long ago, four of Santa’s Christmas elves fell sick and needed to take some time off, leaving the trainees to do the work. However, the trainee elves were unable to produce toys as fast as the regular ones, causing the per-Christmas pressure to mount on Santa.
Soon, Mrs. Claus informed Santa her mother was coming over to spend the Christmas vacation. The revelation further stressed the jolly good fellow.
To clear his head, Santa went out into the fields to harness the reindeer. To his dismay, three of them were in labor while two others had escaped through the fence and were nowhere to be found.
His frustration mounted, but he knew the kids needed their Christmas presents on time no matter what. Hence, he proceeded to load the sleigh. But as he did so, one of the floorboards cracked, causing the overflowing toy bag to crash to the ground, scattering its content.
At last, a frustrated Santa had enough. He dejectedly made his way into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. On getting to the cupboard, he discovered the elves already drunk up all the cider and hid the liquor.
Just as Santa was about to explode into a feat of rage, the doorbell rang. Irritated, he dragged his feet until he reached the door and threw it open.
Standing outside was a little angel with a giant Christmas tree, the most beautiful sight he ever beheld. With a smile plastered across his adorable face, the little angel said cheerfully:
“Merry Christmas Santa! Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree!