We live in a world where traditions and societal norms dictate the course of our lives. One such practice is the act of wives changing their last names to their husbands in marriage.
However, a recent viral video of a TikToker–Delaine Kristek, addresses the challenges of changing one’s name, particularly for women in heterosexual marriages. With over one million views, she asserts that men in heterosexual marriages will never truly understand the challenges involved.
A recent 2023 survey by the Pew Research Center found that 79% of women chose to adopt their husband’s last name after getting married. This tradition goes way back and has formed part of our culture. It often depicts that a family is united under one name.
Even with the advent of technology, many people still view this as a way of showing commitment and connection to their family. Still, people can decide what feels right to them regarding marriage and showing commitment.
Generally, the process of changing one’s last name to that of one spouse can be overwhelming and time-consuming. It usually involves lots of administrative and legal paperwork. Delanie Kristek, the marketing consultant, went viral for expressing her views on the amount of work involved.
The TikToker recently tied the knot and was changing her last name to that of her husband. In her video, she lamented about how tedious the procedure was. “Holy cow,” she said, “I’m in the process of changing my last name right now. All I’ve changed is my (social security), and now I’m on to the point where I’m changing my driver’s license. So, I’m in the very beginning stages. I even have one of those NewlyNamed boxes. … But even with the exact instructions, this is just incredibly time-consuming.”
She went further to explain the mental toll this not-so-simple task could take on anyone. “You’ve gotta change your name in all the systems you’re in. Most of us have multiple doctors. I have a primary care physician, I have a gynecologist, and I have a therapist. There’s so many places where my name appears, and now I’m going to have to go change it….,” she said.
But that’s not all. Changing one’s last name is not just about the paperwork. There are also emotional feelings that come up with spouses making this decision. Delanie shares that changing your name can stir up internal conflicts and personal struggles that people might not expect.
In her interview with Buzzfeed, she mentioned, “Many of us hold so much identity in our names, so when there’s ambiguity around your name, it can feel like you are a little bit in limbo as well. It’s, of course, temporary and not something changing my brain chemistry or anything, but something worth recognizing.”
Delanie also acknowledges that most husbands need to be made aware of how challenging it is for their wives to change their names. Ultimately, she hopes her viral TikTok helps husbands be more empathetic and helpful in this process.
She encourages husbands to help with the paperwork directly or take on other tasks their wives usually handle. This way, wives can have more time and less stress during the name-change process.
